what I was gonna send last night and forgot!

I went to Redeemer's evening service (east side) for the last two weeks because I couldn't make it to RWC.  And in spite of my near narcoleptic tendencies and distracted mind, God really spoke to me through both of the sermons so I wanted to share with you guys!

I've been looking for a new place to move into for about a month now, and during the past week it's all I've been thinking about.  Seriously, just totally consumed, idolizing that perfect living situation, placing my hope in getting calls back for certain listings.  I didn't take any time out to just pray about it or about much of anything because, duh, this is urgent stuff, right?  God will wait, but available apartments won't...

So when the opportunity came up to view a couple of listings on Sunday morning, I immediately said I could make it and decided I'd go to Redeemer's evening service again.  Long story short...nine hours, lots of phone calls, and several subway rides later, I didn't get to see any apartment.  LITERALLY four different agents cancelled/flaked on me throughout the day.  Four!!

By the last cancellation, around 8pm, it was so ridiculous that I actually laughed.  I found it kind of hilarious that after all this time, seeking solutions to my problems was more important to me than seeking God - as if God didn't know what I needed.

Psalm 62 was the passage used in yesterday's sermon ("Resting in God Alone") and it rocked me:

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
    from him comes my salvation.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,    my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

3 How long will all of you attack a man    to batter him,
    like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
4 They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.    They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
    but inwardly they curse. Selah

5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,    for my hope is from him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,    my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God rests my salvation and my glory;    my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us. Selah

9 Those of low estate are but a breath;    those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
    they are together lighter than a breath.
10 Put no trust in extortion;    set no vain hopes on robbery;
    if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

11 Once God has spoken;    twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
12 and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
    according to his work.

As I was reflecting on this psalm afterwards, there were a few things I mulled over - 

• What is my soul waiting for?  Does it wait for something, anything other than "God alone"?  What does it mean/look like for my soul to wait for something?  
• "God is a refuge for us" - he's literally our safe place, our shelter.  I guess this especially stuck out to me because of the apartment hunt that has been consuming my time/heart.  Then as I was praying over this, I imagined a house on a shore next to roaring waves, with frames and decorations in it.  When God himself is our fortress, when he makes up our walls, it doesn't matter whether or not we have pretty things on those walls - bare walls will still protect.  But when our walls are made up of other things, of relationships and status and material riches and careers and family, and those walls come crashing down, even a hundred picture frames of God won't save us.  We will be overcome for certain.  It made me realize how much I've been surrounding myself with a fortress of things other than God, and my failure to keep them all standing.  I also thought, for God to become my fortress, he needs to break down the one I have now. Build from the ground up.  Total renovation.
• "Trust in him at all times" - not just when provision/answer is easily visible. Trust because He has always shown to be worthy of that trust.  And man has he been giving me enough evidence - most recently through a roommate and a full-time paid internship that'll start right after graduation (!).  Yet in any area of my life still shadowed by uncertainty, trusting in God becomes my last resort.  Which actually means I have to do it eventually, haha.  But many times, not out of choice.  
• Even David reminds his soul to wait for God alone (v.5-7), right after acknowledging nearly the same thing in v.1-2.  In fact, after talking about the attack he's under (v.3-4), he mentions the same points from v.1-2 even MORE strongly, declaring who God is over his life.  This was probably the most enlightening part of the psalm for me.  In times where we feel threatened, and the enemy is trying to shake us, let's DECLARE again and again who God is over our lives - that he is our rock, salvation, glory, refuge, fortress.  And the perfect apartment, spouse, job, test score, school, family, etc...is NOT any of those things.  So let's keep reminding ourselves/each other - "for God alone, O , my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him."

This is already really long so I'll refrain from sharing about last week's (which was about praise) - but I hope this encourages you.